Quote of the Week

You cannot fully understand your own life without knowing and thinking beyond your life, your own neighborhood, and even your own nation.

Johnetta Cole

Letting Go

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So I recently got some really bad news. When I received this news I thought my heart would shatter into a million pieces. I  mean I have worked so hard for this.  So I wallowed in self pity for a bit. I ranted to everyone who cared to hear: bureaucracy sucks! And now I'm ready to take ownership. Everything happens for a reason. There is no point in harping over it now. All I can do is put my best foot forward and hope for the best.

Then something really amazing happen! I ran into an old friend who I had some previously unresolved issues with. Okay, so I'm not one to hold grudges: they take way to much energy to maintain. And the person that your begrudging is usually completely unaware of the slight. So I try to nip negative energy in the bum ASAP. But this was a very unique case. Anyone who knows me  knows how often I have tried to process how my relationship with this person ended and how something so amazing turned sour. P.S. No one likes a broken record!

So ya, I was  salty about the whole thing for a long while. But after years of trying to figure things out. I finally decided to just let it go a couple months back. I mean REALLY let it all go. I prayed about  it and released it. You can not image how ridiculously refreshing it feels to just let stuff go. Whatever the reason for holding on may be-justice, the need for closure, bitterness, grief, whatever- just let it go! It is a lot easier than I imagined it would be. My only regret is that I didn't make up my mind to let it go sooner!

So,  I ran into this person. Generally our encounters are brief and upsetting (for me anyway) but for the first time it was easy, genuine again. And we were able to fall into a conversation about our past friendship. We were able to forgive each other (yes, there are always two sides to a story if you are willing to listen) and make peace. Who knew that a chat at Starbucks could end so magnificently!

It took 3.5 years! Although we lacked the maturity and courage to address each other earlier, I think we both have grown from this experience. I, for one, am going to stick to my no grudges rule-no more exceptions!

I have also come to understand that there are no good or bad people; there are only good and bad actions. We can make a case for trends, but there are very few saints and and abundance of sinners. I know that there are real world consequences for our actions and repeat behavior, whether good or bad, develops our character. But I believe that anyone can fall, and anyone can be redeemed.

I was so ridiculously energized by the encounter, I can't even be upset about my bad news. Bureaucracy still sucks, but life is good! 

PEACE, JOY, HAPPINESS!

Organizing

Life is so hectic right now. So I have had to sit down and re-prioritize. Somewhere along the way I got them mixed up. I tend to be a really organized person. I live for a well thought out plan. Don't get me wrong; I am open to stepping outside the box and do so often, too often. Life stays fun and fresh when I decide to spend the day at the beach with friends or watch Juno with my cousin. But my tightly packed calendar starts to buckle at the seams when I take unplanned breaks. And even more so when I don't plan breaks into my life.

So, the other day I sat down and put my life down on paper. I wrote down my commitments (including time expectations), prioritized  them, and made some difficult decisions . I had to give up some projects that were really great but not appropriate given my time constraints and priorities. Its so hard to say NO to something that you've already said YES to because in essence you are letting someone down and admitting to a lapse in judgment. You're saying. "I was wrong. I though I could do this but I was not conscientious enough to ensure that I could take on this additional responsibility." 

My biggest problem is that everything seems incredibly important and deserving of my time. If I am completely honest with myself. I have to acknowledge that this perspective is a very conceited one. Honestly, organizations and people were functioning before me and will continue to do so after me. So I'm no longer going to do everything that gives back to the community anymore. I'll give other eager young people a chance. I'll focus on a select few instead.

The plus side to all of this is that I'm learning to recognize my limitations and behave accordingly. I'm also learning that it really is okay to say NO and it is okay to admit when I'm wrong. In fact, it necessary to do so. Now that I've initiated some tough conversations, its becoming easier to speak to people openly and honestly about my intentions and motivations. There are certainly more to come but I think I'm ready.  I'm happy I'm working this out before medical school. 

In the meantime, I'll get back to completing secondaries.