Quote of the Week

You cannot fully understand your own life without knowing and thinking beyond your life, your own neighborhood, and even your own nation.

Johnetta Cole

Letting Go

Image via Wikipedia

So I recently got some really bad news. When I received this news I thought my heart would shatter into a million pieces. I  mean I have worked so hard for this.  So I wallowed in self pity for a bit. I ranted to everyone who cared to hear: bureaucracy sucks! And now I'm ready to take ownership. Everything happens for a reason. There is no point in harping over it now. All I can do is put my best foot forward and hope for the best.

Then something really amazing happen! I ran into an old friend who I had some previously unresolved issues with. Okay, so I'm not one to hold grudges: they take way to much energy to maintain. And the person that your begrudging is usually completely unaware of the slight. So I try to nip negative energy in the bum ASAP. But this was a very unique case. Anyone who knows me  knows how often I have tried to process how my relationship with this person ended and how something so amazing turned sour. P.S. No one likes a broken record!

So ya, I was  salty about the whole thing for a long while. But after years of trying to figure things out. I finally decided to just let it go a couple months back. I mean REALLY let it all go. I prayed about  it and released it. You can not image how ridiculously refreshing it feels to just let stuff go. Whatever the reason for holding on may be-justice, the need for closure, bitterness, grief, whatever- just let it go! It is a lot easier than I imagined it would be. My only regret is that I didn't make up my mind to let it go sooner!

So,  I ran into this person. Generally our encounters are brief and upsetting (for me anyway) but for the first time it was easy, genuine again. And we were able to fall into a conversation about our past friendship. We were able to forgive each other (yes, there are always two sides to a story if you are willing to listen) and make peace. Who knew that a chat at Starbucks could end so magnificently!

It took 3.5 years! Although we lacked the maturity and courage to address each other earlier, I think we both have grown from this experience. I, for one, am going to stick to my no grudges rule-no more exceptions!

I have also come to understand that there are no good or bad people; there are only good and bad actions. We can make a case for trends, but there are very few saints and and abundance of sinners. I know that there are real world consequences for our actions and repeat behavior, whether good or bad, develops our character. But I believe that anyone can fall, and anyone can be redeemed.

I was so ridiculously energized by the encounter, I can't even be upset about my bad news. Bureaucracy still sucks, but life is good! 

PEACE, JOY, HAPPINESS!

Organizing

Life is so hectic right now. So I have had to sit down and re-prioritize. Somewhere along the way I got them mixed up. I tend to be a really organized person. I live for a well thought out plan. Don't get me wrong; I am open to stepping outside the box and do so often, too often. Life stays fun and fresh when I decide to spend the day at the beach with friends or watch Juno with my cousin. But my tightly packed calendar starts to buckle at the seams when I take unplanned breaks. And even more so when I don't plan breaks into my life.

So, the other day I sat down and put my life down on paper. I wrote down my commitments (including time expectations), prioritized  them, and made some difficult decisions . I had to give up some projects that were really great but not appropriate given my time constraints and priorities. Its so hard to say NO to something that you've already said YES to because in essence you are letting someone down and admitting to a lapse in judgment. You're saying. "I was wrong. I though I could do this but I was not conscientious enough to ensure that I could take on this additional responsibility." 

My biggest problem is that everything seems incredibly important and deserving of my time. If I am completely honest with myself. I have to acknowledge that this perspective is a very conceited one. Honestly, organizations and people were functioning before me and will continue to do so after me. So I'm no longer going to do everything that gives back to the community anymore. I'll give other eager young people a chance. I'll focus on a select few instead.

The plus side to all of this is that I'm learning to recognize my limitations and behave accordingly. I'm also learning that it really is okay to say NO and it is okay to admit when I'm wrong. In fact, it necessary to do so. Now that I've initiated some tough conversations, its becoming easier to speak to people openly and honestly about my intentions and motivations. There are certainly more to come but I think I'm ready.  I'm happy I'm working this out before medical school. 

In the meantime, I'll get back to completing secondaries. 

Quote of the Week

In life no matter what you're trying to accomplish, it's very important to have people that stand by you, and support your dreams. They'll be there to bask in your happiness when you achieve a goal, or to pick you up when you didn't quite make it.

Sid Ashford

Back to America

I've been back for a few weeks. My body and sleep schedules are finally adjusted after that 28 hour trip back. And now I'm trying to put my life in order: handle family business, make money, write secondaries, do projects, and keep in touch with people. All these things have been draining but necessary. I started getting up at the crack of dawn just so I could do half of what needs to be done, but I've gotten organized and set up a calendar to make a little easier. Now, all I have to do is fill it and remember to refer to it. 

Although I've only been away from Singapore for less than a month it seems like so long ago. It seems like a different life. I feel a tinge of regret about not recording more of my thoughts and feelings about my experience as they happened. But life it about living, not necessarily about recording every detail. I'll have to content myself with how being in Singapore made me feel. Fortunately, I really enjoyed Singapore and hanging out with all the people I've come to know and love. 

Now that I'm home. I'm hanging out with my family and planning community outreach projects so I'm started to become more excited about my life here. My nephews are a trip. I've been hanging out with them as well. Babies are a lot of work. I mean A LOT. Being home had shifted my biological clock back. Despite all the cuteness and fun, I am so not ready for a family. Learning this now has been good for me. 

Anywho, I have to get back to the calendar and to-do list. PEACE 

Winding Down

As the month of June comes to a close, I prepare to wrap up my work in Singapore and my time in Asia. I've taken my MCAT and my primary application for medical school is ready to be submitted.

So now with 47 days left, I have more time to travel, day dream, read, meet new people, and agonize. So I've managed to do a little bit of all that this first week.

I've signed on to help plan a few yummie get-togethers. I've agreed to lead worship for my cell. I'm reading A Long Way Gone, I've managed to jump off of my friends guest house balcony into the pool twice trusting that others would help me swim out of the water (I can't really swim. I also made a friend in the process). I've had great conversations over delicious home cooked meal with new friends (those are the best kind). I've had tough conversations with old friends (these are the hardest kind). I've planned a trip to India.

And I've worried over my MCAT and medical school options. But seeing as I have no idea what my score is and knowing that for me medicine in not an ambition but a calling, I'm no longer concerned with all that foolishness. Instead, I spend time day dreaming about going to Haiti, the non-profit work that I'll be doing when I get home, my mom's affection, hanging out with all the babies, and mentoring aspiring doctors in Haiti at medical school that has not been built.

Reminiscing

Okay so I'm supposed to be studying for the MCAT right now. In fact, I was supposed to be studying for the MCAT all day except...well except that I got side tracked.... I called my cousin as a mini break. I wanted to catch up on our plans to initiate a literacy driven non-profit organization back home. (P.S. I'll be based at home starting this August, while I apply to medical school and help my cousin get our non-profit ambitious off the ground. Hey what can I say I've been stung by the change-the-world-one-person-at-at time bug and so has my cousin)

So we are all systems go. Some changes are underway but all for the best. So what started as a quick how-are-you-how's-it-going turned into a brainstorming and curriculum writing session. Ahhh...I always end a conversation with my cousin Dayana feeling GREEEAAT (said in the Tony the Tiger voice)! She is about business, which I appreciate to the umpteenth. I can't wait to get home and get to work on making these things happen. Look out for updates about our projects...coming this August.

Anywho...I'm supposed to be studying but I have to tell you about my birthday. It was a week or maybe two weeks ago (I can't remember these weeks are ally blurring together, especially since all I've done is study and take practice test...my poor brain) So I had the most amazing birthday week thus far! Isn't that awesome, I hope I can say this every birthday for the rest of my life. It would be nice to have great birthday's every year. People kept on buying me the best chocolates cakes they could get their hands on, great surprises, and fabulous presents (3 fabulous dresses, a Salvatore Ferragamo fragrance, goody bags full of chocolate, and a teddy bear with chocolates).

I get so much love from my spiritual family and my friends in Singapore. I'm not a person to miss people...but I don't know I'm really going to miss the amazing moments I've had in Singapore like Sunday morning prayer and worship sessions with my cell group.... Aditi’s hugs...Sally's laughter...Jay's cooking...Andrew's fabulosity...conversation's with Nikki...ice cream and sleepovers with Zarina...Esther and Cheryl's sms...feeding mini-me and the list goes on and on...

You guys don't even understand. I get so much love in Singapore...God has truly blessed me. I even get more love from home. I feel like family (especially my mom, Anna, Gabe, and Juliette) and friends (yes I'm talking about you Teni, Trish, and Suzanne) are always calling me to tell me how much they love me or just to catch up. I hear from them like every week or two. I'm going to feel like postpartum or something if I don't get this much love when I get back to the States...hmm maybe I'll go to medical school here...then I can have it all forever and always!!!

Which reminds me, I need to study for the MCAT otherwise I won't be going to medical school at all...so peace

Be blessed, live long, and prosper!

Hymns can minister!

One of my churchmates shared a song that she used for an audition. It was awesome and really ministered to my spirit. Apparently there is a whole book full of wonderful songs like this. I need to get in touch with this genre...enjoy!

Thank you Lord for the Trials that Come My Way

Thank you, Lord,
for the trials that come my way.
In that way I can grow each day
as I let you lead,
And thank you, Lord,
for the patience those trials bring.
In that process of growing,
I can learn to care.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.


I thank you, Lord,
with each trial I feel inside,
that you're there to help,
lead and guide me away from wrong.
'Cause you promised, Lord,
that with every testing,
that your way of escaping is easier to bear.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.


I thank you, Lord,
for the victory that growing brings.
In surrender of everything
life is so worth while.
And I thank you, Lord,
that when everything's put in place,
out in front I can see your face,
and it's there you belong.

H1N1 Precautions

As everybody knows SARS hit the Asian public at a time when they were unprepared and unaware. It was a deadly virus. In the beginning no one knew how to approach it,  so countries scrambled to deal with the epidemic. They learned from their mistakes and set up appropriate safety measures in the event than an outbreak or, worse yet, a pandemic made its way back to Asia.

So you can imagine what happened when the news of an H1N1 outbreak was reported: Asia responded post haste. I mean... two days after I heard about the outbreak in Mexico, my temperature was being monitored everywhere I went in Singapore from the Civilization Museum to work. Television commercials were advising people to check their temperatures regularly and my pastor called the congragation to be socially responsible by checking their temperatures and to behave accordingly. Contingency plans and biosafety departments were being mobilized to ensure that in the event of an infection there would be no mass spread.

Fortunately, the virus has proven to be less virulent than the seasonal flu and Asia has managed to minimize the spread. Although some peoples' toes have been stepped on in the process, I think that public health officials across the continent did their best given what they had to work with. In fact, as far as I know, there are still no confirmed cases of H1N1 in Singapore and the spread of the infection in other Asian nations has been kept to a minimum.

I will admit that I was a little weirded out when I was first scanned at the museum. I mean I was like what? This kind of feels like the man is monitoring us. Technically speaking...he was! The man was prepared to yank anyone with a high fever out of the line and take them to the hospital for test. But its times like these that make you happy that the man is at work...its better to be safe than sorry!

I knew that Singapore was a well organized country, but recent events have only increased my respect for the nation's efficiency. I am confident that if a more dangerous infection were to find its way to Singapore the nation would be prepared to tackle the problem and minimize the risk to the public and the world.

Photo Shoot

I had my very first photo shoot last weekend . It was cool, but I was tired by the end. It was a long day of posing and photography. I give professional models and photographers their props its not as easy at it seems...I mean it was easier than other stuff I've done, but it wasn't as easy as I thought looking fabulous and being photographed would be.

I actually really liked the pictures. I was afraid that I was not going to like how I looked in them. But I looked good...it doesn't hurt that each photographer had a great camera and an artistic eye. I know that I don't have all the pictures yet...and they have not been edited, but I HAVE to post a few of the ones that I have. Because I feel fabulous!

An old friend used to say how much he wanted to spend a day being followed around and photographed. I would always respond with a flippant comment like "get over yourself big head". I still think he has a big head, but maybe it's okay to basque in a bit of lime light every now and again.


Don't fret more pictures are coming soon. I'll post them on facebook or open some picture sharing account. Until next time...

The Beauty of Inner Stillness

I tried to post them a little while ago but I'm still a newbie so bare with me lets see if this works...

Here are two excerpts from recent readings that have struck me enough to be shared.

"There is a basin in the mind where words float around on thoughts and thoughts on sound and sight. Then there is a depth of thought untouched by words, and deeper still a gulf of formless feelings untouched by thought."

-Zora Neal Hurston's Their Eye's Were Watching God

"I think of a stillness, a pinprick of a place inside her that is profoundly still. I wonder if a sublime quietness is at the heart of creation. If I have made up that concept, if it is off the mark, it is only because I learned to image it from watching her."

-Henry in Jane Hamilton's Disobedience

What is it about them that grab me...I don't know...maybe this random description/observation touch on the beauty of inner stillness in a way that really captures me. Maybe I crave this, maybe I connect with this. They are really just fleeting phrases in books with a hundred or more truly profound ideas, but these are the ones that resonate with me.

Quote of the Week

With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censored, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably. 

Captain Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation, "The Drumhead"

Hello

As many of you know I like to talk. This love of chatter stems from all the random ideas I have piled up in my head demanding their 15 minutes. So in an attempt to talk less without sharing less I've decided to write things down in this here blog.

Can you dig it? That way you can wade through the stuff you don't care to listen to and if you want to strike up a conversation... leave a comment and we will see where it takes us.

I figured that this will also be a great way to stay in touch with the friends and family that I have spread all over the world. So I'll probably post pictures and story about things that I find interesting. Thanks for the idea Christie :-)

Alright here goes...